1
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PREVIOUSLY ON<i> MAD ABOUT YOU...</i>

2
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♪ TELL ME WHY ♪

3
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♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪

4
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♪ TELL ME WHO ♪

5
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♪ CAN STOP MY HEART
AS MUCH AS YOU ♪

6
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♪ LET'S TAKE EACH OTHER'S HAND ♪

7
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♪ AS WE JUMP INTO ♪

8
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♪ THE FINAL FRONTIER ♪

9
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♪ I'M MAD ABOUT YOU, BABY ♪♪

10
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GET OUT OF HERE.

11
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YOU GET OUT OF HERE.

12
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OH, GET OUTTA HERE!

13
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YOU GET OUTTA HERE.

14
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C'MERE!

15
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GET OUTTA HERE!

16
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,443
MY GOSH, WHAT ARE YOU
SAYING? WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME?

17
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,611
YOU'RE PREGNANT?

18
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,212
SO THERE'S, LIKE,
AN ACTUAL, LITTLE,

19
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:46,215
YOU-AND-ME COMBINATION
RIGHT IN THERE?

20
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:49,052
OH, MY G... THIS IS... YOU
KNOW WHAT? THIS IS JUST SO...

21
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POETIC.

22
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YEAH, BUT IT'S SO...
YOU KNOW, IT... IT'S...

23
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MAGICAL.

24
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,325
YEAH... NO, IT
DEFINITELY IS THAT.

25
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WHAT AM I THINKING, THOUGH?
IT'S, LIKE, THE WAY IT ALL...

26
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,229
SUBLIME.

27
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:03,066
UM... NO, NO... WHAT?

28
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IT'S... THIS IS GOOD.

29
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MM-HMM.

30
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WHO IS IT?

31
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:20,116
Ira: HEY, IT'S ME!

32
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,118
OH, MAN, WHAT IS
HE DOING HERE NOW?

33
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,386
I DON'T KNOW, BUT
THIS IS PERFECT.

34
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,520
IRA WILL BE THE FIRST
PERSON WE GET TO TELL.

35
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:25,789
W-W-W-WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

36
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JUST TELLING PEOPLE?
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING?

37
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YEAH. WHY WOULDN'T
WE? I DON'T KNOW.

38
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,995
THEY'RE GOING TO
FIGURE IT OUT EVENTUALLY.

39
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WE'LL SHOW UP ONE DAY, WE GOT A
7-YEAR-OLD, THEY'RE GONNA KNOW.

40
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,600
NO. LET'S JUST KEEP IT
BETWEEN US FOR NOW.

41
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,234
Ira, rapping on door: HEY,
YOU GUYS! OPEN UP!

42
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:39,369
WA-WAIT! WHY? WHY?

43
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A MILLION REASONS.

44
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,339
FIRST OF ALL, WE DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING FOR SURE.

45
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AS OF NOW, THE ONLY REAL NEWS

46
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,876
IS THAT I'VE SUCCESSFULLY
PEED ON A STICK.

47
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,278
YEAH, BUT...

48
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AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE
CONFIRMATION FROM A GYNECOLOGIST.

49
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,014
MARK IS IN EUROPE.

50
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HE'LL BE BACK.

51
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,216
IN THREE MONTHS.

52
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,118
WE SHOULD PROBABLY
FIND OUT BEFORE THEN.

53
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ALL RIGHT.

54
00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,455
Ira: I'M STANDIN' OUT HERE!

55
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,824
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WANT TO TELL.

56
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,991
YOU'RE THE SUPERSTITIOUS ONE.

57
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,960
YOU KNOW, TELLING IS
BAD LUCK. IS THAT TRUE?

58
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,962
YES. YOU DON'T TELL THIS EARLY.

59
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,530
HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE YOU DONE THIS?

60
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,201
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT
THREE MONTHS IN, FOUR MONTHS IN.

61
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,036
THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.
YOU KNOW, THINGS CAN HAPPEN.

62
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,338
THINGS CAN GO WRONG.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT.

63
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,775
Ira pounding on door:
OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

64
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,544
ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, IT'S
YOUR STICK. IT'S YOUR URINE.

65
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,979
THANK YOU.

66
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,714
Ira: COME ON, ALREADY!

67
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,149
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

68
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,518
HEY, BY THE WAY, NICE GOING.

69
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,320
HMM. YOU, TOO.

70
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,089
ALL RIGHT, STAND
BACK! I'M COMIN' IN!

71
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,391
I THINK I'M BLEEDIN'.

72
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,725
LET ME GET YOU A BAND-AID.

73
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,193
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

74
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,862
I'M WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET,
MINDIN' MY OWN BUSINESS.

75
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,864
SOME LADY YELLS
OUT, "HEY, JOSE!"

76
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,034
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I TURN AROUND.

77
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,169
YOU'RE NOT JOSE.

78
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,336
EXACTLY.

79
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,171
SHE'S SWINGIN' AT
ME, SWINGIN' AT ME!

80
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:51,975
I'M COVERIN' MYSELF UP. I'M
SAYIN', "I'M NOT JOSE. I AM NOT JOSE.

81
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,243
DO I LOOK LIKE JOSE?"

82
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,512
I DON'T UNDERSTAND,
'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT JOSE.

83
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,381
I KNOW! BUT SHE THINKS
THAT I'M JOSE, PAULY.

84
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,816
SHE'S HITTIN' ME
AND GRABBIN' ME!

85
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,386
AND SHE'S CURSIN'
AT ME IN SPANISH.

86
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,189
IS IT POSSIBLE
THAT... I AM JOSE?

87
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,556
YOU'RE NOT JOSE.

88
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,593
THEN WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU
TWO SO LONG TO ANSWER THE DOOR?

89
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:11,895
OH, SORRY ABOUT
THAT. WE WERE JUST...

90
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:12,895
UH, DEBATING.

91
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,164
DEBATING?

92
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:15,598
MORE LIKE DISCUSSING.
DISCUSSING, DEBATING.

93
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:16,699
DEBATING, DISCUSSING,
SPECULATING.

94
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:17,867
SPECULATING.

95
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,102
SPECULATING? ON WHAT?

96
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,637
WHATEVER. WHO REMEMBERS?

97
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,072
HEY, GUYS, WH-WHAT'S GOING ON?

98
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,206
NOTHING.

99
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,108
PAULY, COME ON. I KNOW
SOMETHING'S GOING ON.

100
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,610
ALL RIGHT...
NOTHING IS GOING ON.

101
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:28,914
NOTHING IS GOING ON.

102
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,547
SOMETHING IS GOIN' ON.

103
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,916
ALL RIGHT. SOMETHING
IS GOING ON.

104
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,418
NOTHING IS GOING ON.

105
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,919
NOTHING IS GOING ON.

106
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,354
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE
GOING TO TELL YOU,

107
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:39,689
BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE
NOT TO TELL ANYBODY.

108
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,923
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
NOTHING IS GOING ON.

109
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,191
HE KNOWS SOMETHING IS GOING ON.

110
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,726
OH, SOMETHING IS GOING ON.

111
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:44,727
THE TRUTH IS...

112
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,262
AND THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING.

113
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,265
WE HAVE TO FIND A
NEW GYNECOLOGIST.

114
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,889
HOW ABOUT THAT?

115
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:54,771
MARK AND FRAN
ARE IN EUROPE, SO...

116
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,239
IS EVERYTHING OK?

117
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,441
YES, YES, YES! EVERYTHING'S
FINE. EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

118
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,243
IT'S JUST A LITTLE... IT'S
A PERSONAL MATTER.

119
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,577
PERSONAL MATTER?

120
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:02,711
IT'S A PERSONAL,
PRIVATE, DELICATE...

121
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:03,713
IT'S A WOMAN THING.

122
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,749
SAY NO MORE.

123
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,184
I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH
THE YELLOW PAGES,

124
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,986
THROUGH FRIENDS'
RECOMMENDATIONS,

125
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,554
THAT ARTICLE IN<i>
NEW YORK</i> MAGAZINE

126
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,256
ON THE BEST DOCTORS IN NEW YORK.

127
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,791
HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT ABOUT JOAN?

128
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:16,826
JOAN WHO?

129
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,827
WHAT, DEBBIE'S JOAN?

130
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,428
YEAH, YEAH. SHE'S
A GYNECOLOGIST.

131
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,429
YEAH? SO?

132
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,931
YEAH, BUT... NO, RIGHT?

133
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,166
I DON'T THINK SO.

134
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,333
WHY?

135
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:25,802
WELL, IT'S JUST TOO
WEIRD. I MEAN, JOAN IS...

136
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,236
SHE'S MY SISTER'S GIRLFRIEND.

137
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,638
YOU KNOW, SHE'S FAMILY.

138
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,573
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO
FAMILY FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

139
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,976
YOU KNOW, IF IT WERE A FOOT
OR, GOD FORBID, A SHOULDER...

140
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,313
FINE. YOU KNOW, THEN YOU COULD
GO SEE A FRIEND OR AN UNCLE.

141
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,714
BUT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

142
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,517
TO ME, ANYTHING THAT INVOLVES
THE REMOVING OF THE UNDERWEAR,

143
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,785
YOU... NO, YOU DON'T
WANNA MESS AROUND.

144
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,287
AND PLUS, JAMIE IS
GONNA HAVE THE BEST.

145
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:46,823
OH, OF COURSE!

146
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,758
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THE
BEST HOUSE OR THE BEST CAR

147
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,193
OR THE BEST, YOU
KNOW, PIECE OF CHICKEN...

148
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,728
HEY, HEY, YOU DON'T WANT
A BAD PIECE OF CHICKEN.

149
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,364
CERTAINLY NOT, BUT YOU
UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

150
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,398
YOU WANT THE BEST.

151
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,399
EXACTLY.

152
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,400
I UNDERSTAND.

153
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,002
IN FACT, I CAN HELP YOU.

154
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,004
WHAT, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE
A GOOD GYNECOLOGIST?

155
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,172
NO, NO, BUT I COULD
HELP FIND YOU ONE.

156
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,908
I WILL FIND YOU THE BEST
GYNECOLOGIST IN NEW YORK CITY.

157
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,943
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

158
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,378
LISTEN, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THAT.

159
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,445
COME ON. IT'LL BE A PLEASURE.

160
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:10,513
IRA, REALLY, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

161
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,148
PLEASE, ALLOW ME
TO DO THIS FOR YOU.

162
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,850
THERE'S NO REASON,
REALLY, THAT YOU SHOULD...

163
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:15,918
HELLO.

164
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,880
JOSE, IT'S FOR YOU.

165
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,698
Jamie: OK. THIS IS FOR THURSDAY.

166
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,600
WE'VE GOT DR. KOEFFLER AT 10:00,

167
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,870
THEN I'LL MEET YOU AT DR. KHALSA
AT 1:00 AND AT 3:00, DR. NOH.

168
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:38,040
DR. NO? YOU'RE GONNA USE
SEAN CONNERY'S GYNECOLOGIST?

169
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,176
N-O-H. HE'S KOREAN.

170
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,512
JUST MAKIN' A JOKE.
DON'T BE OFFENDED.

171
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,214
WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO
WITH ONE OF THESE GUYS

172
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,848
IF WE CAN'T GET IN TO
SEE DR. VONDERPHAL.

173
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,739
♪ DR. VONDERPHAL ♪

174
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,187
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE FUN
OF EVERY NAME OR WHAT?

175
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,389
NO, BUT COME ON,
DR. VONDERPHAL? HE'S ASKIN' FOR IT.

176
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,057
HE'S THE GUY I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.

177
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,261
HE'S THE BEST.<i> NEW YORK</i> MAGAZINE
DID A WHOLE PROFILE JUST ON HIM.

178
00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,729
HE WAS ON<i> NIGHTLINE.</i>

179
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,365
ANTHONY EDWARDS' CHARACTER
IN<i> ER</i> IS BASED ON THIS GUY.

180
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,366
IS THAT TRUE?

181
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,367
YES!

182
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,801
THAT'S SO COOL.

183
00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,271
HEY, LISTEN, IF VONDERPHAL
IS THE GUY, AND HE'S THE BEST,

184
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,172
DEN VONDERPHAL IS DE VUN.

185
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,674
VONDERPHAL? DR. VONDERPHAL?

186
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:12,675
HEY, DEB.

187
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,676
HI.

188
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,677
HI.

189
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,679
YOU'RE GONNA SEE DR. VONDERPHAL?

190
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,481
IS IT VONDERPHAL,
OR VON-DER-PHAL?

191
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,217
'CAUSE EITHER WAY,
IT'S QUITE VONDERFUL.

192
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,385
IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST...

193
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,221
IT'S A WOMAN THING.
I SHOULD THINK SO.

194
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,689
AND MARK'S OUTTA
TOWN, SO WE'RE JUST...

195
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,058
WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE JOAN?
I'LL GET YOU AN APPOINTMENT.

196
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,826
NO. THAT'S OK. WE DON'T
WANNA BOTHER YOU.

197
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,561
OH, NO BOTHER. I'LL CALL
HER RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.

198
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,596
YOU SHOULDN'T GO OUT OF
YOUR WAY, BECAUSE MARK...

199
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,598
JUST CONSIDER IT DONE.

200
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:41,170
SO... ONLY 96 HOURS, 15
MINUTES, AND 12 SECONDS

201
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,540
UNTIL MOM AND DAD
FINALLY MEET JOAN.

202
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,609
RELAX. I'M SURE THE BIG NEWS
WAS THAT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

203
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,378
YEAH. NOW YOU'RE
JUST GIVING THEM A FACE

204
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,881
TO ATTACH ALL THE SLEEPLESS
NIGHTS SPENT CRYING.

205
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,383
THANK YOU, PAUL.

206
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:57,342
SEE HOW NICE I AM WHEN
YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

207
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,423
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY THAT?

208
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,827
ANYWAY, FOR THE JOAN
MEETING, I STILL CAN'T DECIDE:

209
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,261
DINNER OR LUNCH?

210
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,798
WELL, IT'S REALLY WHICH WOULD
YOU RATHER SEE MOM CHOKE ON?

211
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,799
LUNCH.

212
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,800
YES?

213
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,669
LUNCH. DEFINITELY.

214
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:13,670
DAYLIGHT.

215
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,071
OK.

216
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,373
'CAUSE I HAVE IT DOWN
TO TWO RESTAURANTS:

217
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,242
UH, TAVERN ON THE
GREEN... NOPE. NO?

218
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,445
A RESTAURANT? A
NEUTRAL LOCATION? UH-UH.

219
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,714
NEUTRAL LOCATION. UH-UH.

220
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,350
NEUTRAL LOCATION,
SHE'LL EAT YOU ALIVE.

221
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,885
THIS IS INTERESTING.

222
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,354
YOU NEED THE HOME FIELD
ADVANTAGE: YOUR OWN BACKYARD.

223
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:34,924
YES, BECAUSE THEN, SHE CAN'T
AMBUSH ME IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM.

224
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,826
SHE CAN, BUT IT'S A
LITTLE BIT MORE DIFFICULT.

225
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,194
LISTEN TO HER.

226
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,829
SHE'S VERY CLEVER ABOUT THIS.

227
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,897
YES, YES.

228
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,732
THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

229
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:43,966
I'M GONNA HAVE A
NICE SIT-DOWN LUNCH.

230
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,169
NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO.

231
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,970
BUFFET. BUFFET, BUFFET, BUFFET.

232
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,907
MOLLIFIES HER, GIVES HER
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL.

233
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,342
YOU... YOU COULD DO
THIS PROFESSIONALLY.

234
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,977
I'M TELLING YOU,
SHE'S VERY GOOD.

235
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,679
YEAH. THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

236
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,347
I'M GONNA GO CANCEL
THE RESERVATION,

237
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,083
AND WHILE I'M DOING IT,
I'M GONNA CALL DR. JOAN.

238
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,084
OH, WAIT!

239
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,219
BEFORE YOU DO THAT...

240
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,987
AW! NOW SHE'S GONNA CALL JOAN.

241
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,823
I KNEW WE WEREN'T
GONNA GET OUT OF IT.

242
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,358
VERY NICE ADVICE
YOU WERE GIVING HER.

243
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,826
IT WON'T DO HER ANY GOOD.

244
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,160
WHY IS THAT?

245
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,562
SHE'S BRINGING A NICE YOUNG
WOMAN HOME TO YOUR MOTHER?

246
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,019
HAH! SHE'S DEAD.

247
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,501
YOU DON'T SEEM SO
MUCH BROKEN UP ABOUT IT.

248
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,503
NO, NO, NO. I'M VERY SAD.

249
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:21,771
HA HA HA HA.

250
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,139
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

251
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,674
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY,

252
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,043
BUT SINCE THE DAY I
JOINED YOUR FAMILY,

253
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,211
I'VE BEEN AT THE BOTTOM OF
YOUR MOTHER'S TOTEM POLE.

254
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,280
I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO MOVING UP A NOTCH.

255
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,449
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
IT'S TERRIBLE FOR JOAN.

256
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:34,984
I FEEL REALLY BAD.

257
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,541
HA HA HA HA HA.

258
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,556
Jamie: WE'LL BE POLITE TO JOAN,

259
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,393
MAKE YOUR SISTER
HAPPY, AND BE DONE WITH IT.

260
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,228
YES, IT'S OFFICIAL.
YOU'RE PREGNANT.

261
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,197
HEY. HEY.

262
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,933
I'M TELLIN' YA, THOSE STICKS ARE
GONNA PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS.

263
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,670
FOUR WEEKS. YOU WERE
RIGHT, JUST LIKE YA SAID.

264
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,305
GOOD HCG LEVELS.
EVERYTHING SEEMS NORMAL.

265
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,306
CONGRATULATIONS.

266
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,808
OK. WELL, THANK YOU.

267
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,776
SO, YOU TOLD DEBBIE
YOU HAD A LITTLE, UH...

268
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,277
WOMAN THING. VERY GOOD.

269
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,380
THAT WAS BECAUSE, UH, YOU'RE
NOT READY TO TELL THE FAMILY YET?

270
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,881
EXACTLY.

271
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,549
I UNDERSTAND. I WAS
ADVISED BY PATIENTS

272
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,852
TO LIE TO THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM,
JUST BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW.

273
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,321
SO I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A
PRESCRIPTION FOR PRENATAL VITAMINS,

274
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,724
AND, UH, YOU SHOULD MAKE AN
APPOINTMENT TO SEE ME IN ABOUT TWO WEEKS.

275
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,958
UH, OK. OK.

276
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,627
YOU'RE LYING RIGHT
NOW, AREN'T YOU?

277
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:18,895
NO... NO, WE'RE NOT!

278
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,329
NO, WE'RE NOT.

279
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,664
YEAH, WE KINDA... WE
ARE, ACTUALLY, A LITTLE BIT.

280
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,233
SURE. YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
A WHOLE BUNCH OF OB/GYNs,

281
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,969
AND THE ONLY REASON I'M AMONG THEM
IS BECAUSE DEBBIE FOISTED ME ON YOU.

282
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,805
NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S
NOT IT. NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

283
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,241
KINDA... SHE DID. IT'S A
LITTLE BIT TRUE, I GUESS.

284
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,977
YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING
TO SEE DR. WONDERFUL.

285
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,711
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO. NO, WE'RE NOT.

286
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,179
TOMORROW? TOMORROW, I THINK.

287
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,615
OK. HERE.

288
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:41,984
TAKE YOUR VITAMINS, GET PLENTY
OF REST, AND WORK ON THE LYING.

289
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,186
AND IF YOU SHOULD CHOOSE TO
COME BACK, JUST CALL THE OFFICE.

290
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,255
IF NOT, I'LL SEE YA
AT THE LUNCHEON.

291
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,289
TAKE CARE!

292
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,324
THANK YOU! YOU, TOO.

293
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,325
WE'LL CALL YA!

294
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,927
NO, YOU WON'T!

295
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,951
NO, BUT I MEAN FOR
COFFEE OR SOMETHING.

296
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,833
AW, THAT WAS GREAT.

297
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,901
I MEAN, REALLY, REALLY GREAT.

298
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,903
YEAH.

299
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,538
LISTEN, LET ME ASK
YOU SOMETHING.

300
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,639
YEAH?

301
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,930
WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST?

302
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,477
WHAT?

303
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,079
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT?
WE'RE GETTING CLOSER.

304
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,814
WE'VE... WE'VE
BECOME VERY INTIMATE,

305
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:15,284
BUT I JUST WANT... I WANT TO KNOW
EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.

306
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:18,087
WHERE DID YOU GO TO
SCHOOL? WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

307
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,123
WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST?

308
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,680
LIAR! OOF!

309
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,932
THIS DR. VONDERPHAL,
HE'S UNBELIEVABLE.

310
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,723
HONEY... GO LIKE THIS.

311
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:39,141
THAT'S HOW BIG THE
BABY IS RIGHT NOW!

312
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:41,565
OH, HE'S JUST GONNA
GET TEASED A LOT.

313
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:47,215
WHO IS?

314
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,151
IT'S DEBBIE AND JOAN!

315
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:52,388
I AM JUST NEVER GONNA
GET TO FINISH THIS ARTICLE.

316
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,159
REALLY? SO, WHAT,

317
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,961
YOU CHANGE THE DIAPER WITH, LIKE,
A LITTLE TWEEZER OR SOMETHING?

318
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,729
YOU HAVE A FISH KNIFE!

319
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,365
WHY DO YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT?

320
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,800
YOU HAVE A FISH KNIFE. I
KNOW YOU DO. DON'T LIE TO ME!

321
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,301
I GAVE IT TO YOU!

322
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,103
JUST ADMIT IT! UNLESS
YOU SOLD IT, YOU HAVE ONE!

323
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,605
Joan: SHE'S VERY
NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH.

324
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,808
OH, THEN BY ALL MEANS,
LET'S GIVE HER A SHARP KNIFE.

325
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,677
I AM NOT NERVOUS
ABOUT THE LUNCH.

326
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,912
I'M SERVING TROUT,
WHICH IS A HUGE GAMBLE.

327
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,447
YOU KNOW, DELICIOUS?

328
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,883
YES, BUT MORE BONES THAN... THAN...
THAN... WHAT? WHAT HAS A LOTTA BONES?

329
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,218
SKELETON! BIG SKELETON.

330
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,187
OK, OK. HERE WE GO.
EVERYBODY, TAKE IT EASY.

331
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,456
IT'S ALL GONNA BE FINE.

332
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,457
THANK YOU.

333
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,457
YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE?

334
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,492
NO.

335
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,493
NO.

336
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,560
NO.

337
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,061
WHAT ABOUT THE CASSEROLE DISH?

338
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,062
CASSEROLE DISH!

339
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,564
CASSEROLE DISH. CASSEROLE DISH.

340
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,600
HERE, HERE! HERE
YOU GO! HERE YOU GO.

341
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,602
CASSEROLE... OK.

342
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:40,903
ANYTHING ELSE?

343
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,104
NO.

344
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,372
NO.

345
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,373
NO.

346
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:45,808
WHAT ABOUT THE GARLIC PRESS?

347
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:46,976
GARLIC PRESS!

348
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,711
THERE YOU GO. WE GOT SEVERAL...

349
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,112
HERE YOU GO. HERE, HERE, HERE.

350
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,614
OH, YES. ALL RIGHT.

351
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:52,782
ANYTHING ELSE?

352
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,584
ANYTHING ELSE? A WHISK!

353
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,288
A WHISK... WAIT!

354
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:02,124
AND ABOUT A GALLON OF WINE.

355
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,693
YOU KNOW THEY'RE
NOT HEAVY DRINKERS.

356
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:05,595
IT'S FOR ME... NOW.

357
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,862
SHE'S NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH.

358
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,431
I'M NOT NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH!

359
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,432
ALL RIGHT, I'M NERVOUS.

360
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,234
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M NERVOUS.

361
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,235
MOM'S GONNA MEET JOAN.

362
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,737
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S WHY.

363
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,238
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO?

364
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,773
TO YOUR FAMILY.

365
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,743
MY FAMILY...
DYSFUNCTIONAL, JUDGMENTAL,

366
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,345
INTOLERANT, OPPRESSIVE,
PETTY, AND SMALL.

367
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,470
YES, BUT WE GET
EVERYTHING WHEN THEY DIE.

368
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,718
OH, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY!

369
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,254
OH, MY GOD.

370
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,155
WHAT?

371
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,925
ANTIBIOTICS! I PUT HER ON
ANTIBIOTICS FOR THE, UM...

372
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,059
FOR... THAT'S... WOMAN THING.

373
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,060
RIGHT.

374
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,595
AW, ISN'T THAT CUTE.

375
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,696
WHAT?

376
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,498
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE THEIR DOCTOR.

377
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,401
YOU'RE GIVING THEM
A LITTLE ANTIBIOTICS.

378
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,103
YOU'RE TAKING CARE
OF MY BROTHER'S WIFE.

379
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,638
IT'S CUTE. I LIKE IT.
IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

380
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,408
YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? DEB,
ACTUALLY... WHAT? WE'RE ACTUALLY...

381
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,508
ACTUALLY, THEY'RE
STILL LOOKING AROUND.

382
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:54,776
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU'RE LOOKING AROUND?

383
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,245
YOU GOT THE BEST DOCTOR
IN THE CITY RIGHT HERE.

384
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,947
NO, NO. I DON'T... WE'RE
NOT LOOKING AROUND.

385
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,314
WE'RE JUST... WE'RE
EXPLORING OUR OPTIONS.

386
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,949
OH, WELL, SO LONG AS
YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AROUND.

387
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,786
DEB... YA KNOW, THIS
IS HUGELY INSULTING.

388
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,554
DEBBIE, IT IS NOT INSULTING.

389
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,023
I'M SORRY, BUT IT IS.

390
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,625
YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU DON'T
TRUST MY JUDGMENT IN PEOPLE

391
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,460
AND THAT YOU DON'T THINK JOAN IS
A GOOD ENOUGH DOCTOR FOR YOU.

392
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,561
Joan: THAT'S NOT
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!

393
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,962
THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!

394
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,452
CAN I HAVE THE KNIFE, PLEASE?

395
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,635
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

396
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,139
SHE'S NERVOUS ABOUT THE LUNCH.

397
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:32,380
John Sebastian sings: ♪ DID YOU
EVER HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND? ♪

398
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,784
♪ AND PICK UP ON ONE AND
LEAVE THE OTHER BEHIND ♪

399
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:39,454
♪ IT'S NOT OFTEN EASY
AND NOT OFTEN KIND ♪

400
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:43,291
♪ DID YOU EVER HAVE
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND? ♪

401
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,161
♪ DID YOU EVER HAVE
TO FINALLY DECIDE... ♪

402
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,431
Jamie: LOOK AT THIS
PLACE. IT'S LIKE A MUSEUM.

403
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,966
OK. CAN I SAY ONE
THING? PICASSO!

404
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,434
WOW.

405
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,394
IT'S A WOMAN GIVING
BIRTH TO HER OWN FACE.

406
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:01,510
THIS IS THE FANCIEST ROOM I'VE
EVER BEEN IN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

407
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,945
OK. SEE? NOW I
WANT TO BE A WOMAN.

408
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,180
ALL RIGHT. SIT DOWN.

409
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,948
HE'S GONNA COME IN
IN A MINUTE. SIT DOWN.

410
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,304
I'M SITTING. I'M SITTING.

411
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,285
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOUR HAIR? WHAT?

412
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,286
IT LOOKS WEIRD.

413
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,287
IT'S NOT.

414
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,288
IT'S POINTY. LEAVE IT ALONE.

415
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,289
LEAVE IT ALONE.
WHY IS IT POINTY?

416
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,290
GO LIKE THIS.

417
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,425
IT'S FINE.

418
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,295
PAT IT DOWN IN THE BACK.
PAT, PAT, PAT, PAT, PAT.

419
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,863
HELLO. HI.

420
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,798
YOU MUST BE PAUL AND JAMIE.

421
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,433
YOU MUST BE DR. VONDERPHAL.

422
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,869
IS IT VONDERPHAL
OR VON-DER-PHAL?

423
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:30,361
'CAUSE I GOTTA TELL YA,
EITHER WAY, IT'S QUITE... WHAT?

424
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:40,149
Ira: YEAH. TWO OF THE GLAZED.

425
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,717
PLEASE.

426
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,319
AND ANYTHING ELSE?

427
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,687
YEAH, YEAH. ONE OF THE TWISTS.

428
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,524
AND ANYTHING ELSE?

429
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:51,994
UH... YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

430
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:55,486
UM... WHO'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST?

431
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,840
Debbie: WHO IS IT?

432
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,342
IT'S BURT AND SYLVIA.

433
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,843
BURT AND SYLVIA BUCHMAN.

434
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:08,844
YOUR PARENTS.

435
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,845
SHE KNOWS!

436
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:10,946
HI!

437
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,650
WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?
WE'RE NOT THAT OLD.

438
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:18,253
WOW. HAVE YOU CHANGED
THIS PLACE SINCE I WAS HERE.

439
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:22,625
GOT A NEW SOFA, NEW
LAMP, NEW CLUB CHAIR.

440
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,727
WHERE IS SHE?

441
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,795
HI, EVERYONE.

442
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,230
MY LORD.

443
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,454
YOU ARE A STRAPPING YOUNG WOMAN.

444
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,203
HELLO.

445
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,704
HI. I'M JOAN.

446
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,496
I'M DEBBIE'S MOTHER,
SYLVIA BUCHMAN.

447
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,578
AND I'M BURT.
BURT BUCHMAN... I...

448
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,547
UH, SYLVIA'S HUSBAND
AND ALSO, DEBBIE'S FATHER.

449
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,271
CAN YOU IMAGINE?

450
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,686
HERE. LET ME TAKE YOUR
COAT, MRS. BUCHMAN.

451
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,454
SYLVIA, PLEASE. SYLVIA.

452
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:53,488
THANK YOU.

453
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,657
AND MR. BUCHMAN?

454
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,825
YOU WANT MY COAT?

455
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,293
I DO.

456
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,816
HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS?

457
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,633
YOU KNOW, I'LL MISS THE
BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE.

458
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:05,634
REALLY?

459
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,902
NO, NOT REALLY.

460
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,309
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

461
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,678
AND THE CAMP CALLED
AND SAID, "I'M SORRY,

462
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,370
BUT YOUR DAUGHTER CAN
NO LONGER TAKE ARCHERY"!

463
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,292
Sylvia: DEBBIE,
SHE'S DELIGHTFUL.

464
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,032
I DON'T WANNA GO IN.

465
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,801
WELL, ARE YOU GONNA COME IN, OR ARE
YOU GOING TO EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS?

466
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,137
WE BROUGHT CAKE.

467
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,605
PUT IT OVER THERE.

468
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,373
LISTEN, WHAT'S THE
MATTER? Jamie: IT'S NOTHING.

469
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,774
IT'S NOT NOTHING.
IT'S SOMETHING.

470
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,108
OK. DO WE HAVE TO
DISCUSS THIS RIGHT NOW?

471
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,978
NO, WE DON'T HAVE TO
DISCUSS THIS NOW. LET'S EAT.

472
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:50,479
GOOD! I'M STARVING.

473
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,980
Sylvia: ME, TOO.

474
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,183
OH! LOOK AT THOSE
BEAUTIFUL DISHES!

475
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,952
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?

476
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,320
THE CRAFTS FAIR.

477
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,822
OH, I LOVE IT THERE. WE
GO THERE. REMEMBER, BURT?

478
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,458
NO.

479
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,426
IS THIS THAT SOY CHEESE?

480
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,427
YES.

481
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,229
BURT, THIS IS THAT SOY CHEESE.

482
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,264
GREAT!

483
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,966
I HEARD ABOUT THIS.
WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

484
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,634
OH, A LITTLE PLACE UPTOWN.

485
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,704
I STOPPED IN RIGHT AFTER JAMIE SAID THEY
WERE LOOKING FOR A NEW GYNECOLOGIST,

486
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:16,739
AND IT WOULDN'T BE JOAN.

487
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,739
WHAT?

488
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,508
IT'S NOTHING. IT'S NOTHING.

489
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,943
WHAT IS THIS, ASPIC?

490
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:24,279
UH-HUH. I GOT THAT RIGHT AFTER
PAUL SAID JOAN WOULDN'T DO,

491
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:25,881
THAT THEY NEEDED TO SHOP AROUND.

492
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,516
DEB... SYLVIA, YOU
CAN UNDERSTAND...

493
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,851
UNDERSTAND WHAT?

494
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,851
MY POSITION. IT'S VERY...

495
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:32,487
NO, NO, NO, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

496
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:35,913
JOAN IS YOUR
SISTER-IN-LAW... ESSENTIALLY.

497
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,761
REALLY?

498
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,195
NOT ONLY THAT, BUT, IF I MAY,

499
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,529
SHE'S A LESBIAN.

500
00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:43,913
SHE KNOWS ABOUT
THESE THINGS, RIGHT?

501
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,535
UH... YES.

502
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:48,837
THANK YOU.

503
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:53,075
Sylvia: YOU KNOW WHAT? I
NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT.

504
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,076
SEE?

505
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,846
YOU GOT SOME KIND
OF PROBLEM WITH JOAN?

506
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:58,413
NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.

507
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,082
YOU KNOW, YOU WOULD EXPECT
A LITTLE MORE OPEN-MINDEDNESS

508
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,718
FROM THE LIBERALS.

509
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,721
SYLVIA, LET ME
JUST SAY ONE THING.

510
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,057
WHAT, NOW SHE'S A
MEMBER OF A MILITIA GROUP?

511
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:09,825
NO, ONLY IF <i>NEW YORK</i> MAGAZINE

512
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,426
SAYS IT'S THE BEST MILITIA GROUP

513
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,785
WITH THE NICEST BOMBS AND
THE MOST FASHIONABLE UNIFORMS.

514
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:19,935
OK. LOOK, PAUL AND JAMIE
ARE CHOOSING A DOCTOR,

515
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,671
WHICH IS A VERY
PERSONAL, PRIVATE MATTER.

516
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,441
IT'S A DECISION WHICH COULD
AFFECT THE REST OF THEIR LIVES,

517
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,877
AND THAT IS WHY NO ONE, EVEN
WITH THE BEST OF INTENTIONS,

518
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,247
SHOULD EVER DARE TO
PUT ANY PRESSURE ON THEM.

519
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:36,907
MY BEST PROFESSIONAL
ADVICE IS: EVERYBODY, BACK OFF.

520
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,758
Sylvia: YOU KNOW WHAT?

521
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,548
SHE'S RIGHT.

522
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,398
REALLY?

523
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,168
YOU KNOW, SHE'S
QUITE THE ORATOR.

524
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,905
SHE CERTAINLY IS...
BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE.

525
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,328
OH, YEAH.

526
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,722
CONSUELA...

527
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,290
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

528
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,316
Ira: OOH!

529
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,567
SOMEONE'S GOING TO HAVE TO MARRY A
BANK-ROBBING, PUPPY-KICKING SERIAL KILLER

530
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:29,070
BEFORE I STAND ANY CHANCE OF
GETTING IN GOOD WITH YOUR MOTHER.

531
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,072
OH, JUST HANG IN THERE.

532
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,941
LISTEN, THE MINUTE
MY MOTHER FINDS OUT

533
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,877
THAT YOU ARE CARRYING
HER GENETIC MATERIAL,

534
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,981
WHOOSH, YOU'RE GONNA FLY RIGHT
TO THE TOP OF HER TOTEM POLE.

535
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,104
OR NOT.

536
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,288
Answering machine: HI. THIS IS CLAUDIA
FROM DR. VONDERPHAL'S OFFICE.

537
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,092
CONGRATULATIONS. DR. VONDERPHAL
WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE YOU ON AS A PATIENT.

538
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,160
PLEASE CALL TO
ARRANGE AN APPOINTMENT.

539
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,565
HUH.

540
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,334
CAN I TELL YOU
WHAT I'M THINKING?

541
00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,334
JOAN? JOAN!

542
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:00,869
YEAH, I MEAN...

543
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,371
SHE'S NICE! SHE'S REALLY NICE.

544
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,706
AND SHE'S COMPETENT.
SHE'S COMPETENT.

545
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,040
SHE'S SMART. SHE'S
COMPETENT. SHE'S KIND.

546
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,575
REALLY KIND. VERY KIND.

547
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:07,743
LIKE SHE WOULDN'T
HURT A FLY KINDA KIND.

548
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,179
AND SEE WHY YOUR
SISTER LOVES HER.

549
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,680
SO JOAN.

550
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:12,714
JOAN. YEAH.

551
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,149
ALL RIGHT. THERE IT IS.

552
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,052
HEY, WE GOT YOU A DOCTOR.

553
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,287
THAT'S OUR VERY FIRST
PARENTAL DECISION.

554
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,889
LOOK AT THAT.

555
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,859
UM... LITTLE PERSON...

556
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:28,697
YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE
DECIDED TO GO WITH JOAN.

557
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,937
OK. THAT'S THE SECOND
TIME THAT HAPPENED NOW.

558
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,741
IT'S SOME SORT OF, LIKE,
FREAKISH THING GOING ON THERE.

559
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:40,445
I'M A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

560
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,878
I'LL TELL YA THIS.

561
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,782
IT IS NOT INFORMATION THAT
WOMEN PART WITH EASILY.

562
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:52,721
WHAT?

563
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,223
THE BEST GYNECOLOGIST
IN NEW YORK

564
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:58,060
IS APPARENTLY THIS
GUY, DR. VONDERPHAL.

565
00:21:58,084 --> 00:21:59,227
OH, YEAH, WE KNOW.

566
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,562
YEAH, BUT WE DECIDED
WE'RE GONNA GO WITH JOAN.

567
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:01,651
THANKS, THOUGH.

568
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,776
HELLO, DEBBIE. YEAH,
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER.

569
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,779
I JUST WANTED TO TELL
YOU THAT YOUR FATHER AND I

570
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,147
THOUGHT THAT JOAN WAS WONDERFUL.

571
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,282
STRAPPING. YES.

572
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:21,783
TELL HER STRAPPING.

573
00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:25,120
YEAH, SHE WAS WONDERFUL,
AND SHE WAS CHARMING.

574
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,788
TELL HER STRAPPING.
SHE'S STRAPPING.

575
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,457
I HEARD YOU ALREADY.

576
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,024
BUT YOU'RE NOT SAYING IT.

577
00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:31,126
ALL RIGHT! SO YOU SAY IT.

578
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:33,161
OH, HELLO, DEBBIE.

579
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:37,132
YEAH. JOAN IS CHARMING
AND WONDERFUL.

580
00:22:37,156 --> 00:22:38,133
AND STRAPPING.

581
00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:40,157
SHE'S A VERY STRAPPING
YOUNG WOMAN.


